The Next Chapter

So a lot has happened over the past while and I am in a place where I am looking forward to what is to come. Eager anticipation is probably the best way to describe it.
This spring I will have completed four years at Redeemer studying Youth Ministry. I am excited for that. It has been a good four years, the classes and profs have been great. The community is definitely something that I will miss. I am looking forward to my final semester that is coming up and the classes that I get to take. I'm sure that it will teach me even more and will be good.
This past spring I had the opportunity to travel to Israel for a two week study tour. It was with 'That the World May Know Ministries'. It was an amazing trip. I learned so much and saw many different places that brought the scriptures to life. The places, the people, the culture, it all is intricately woven together to create the Bible that we study.
After returning home I started to entertain the idea that I could go to school in Israel. I had heard of a school in Jerusalem and so  I looked into it a little. The programs sounded really interesting.
I tucked the idea away for a while. I wanted to make sure I wasn't thinking about it just because we had a good time in Israel so I didn't say anything to anyone until at least a couple months later, but a couple months later I was still thinking about it, and kind of excited about it.
Through much prayer and consideration I continued to look at going to school in Jerusalem as an option. I talked with people around me and everywhere I looked it made sense to at least apply to go. The only thing that continues to nag at me is the fact that I can't see exactly where this is going to lead to.
In late October early November I completed the application and sent it in. I wasn't that long before I got a package back in the mail that included an acceptance letter. Along with the acceptance letter was a set of maps and a couple books that I get to go through before I go to Jerusalem in September.

So for now I have to get a bunch of paper-work in order, work through the books and continue to get excited about what God has in store. 

In the mean time I will complete one more semester at Redeemer (I'm really looking forward to the classes I get to take), graduate in May and find somewhere to work for the summer. 

I am looking forward to this next chapter, seeing what all God has in store and where this might lead me too. 

a poem

This is a poem thing that I wrote while thinking a little while ago. 

            Why do you wait like so?

            I can't see where you are right now,

            You may be at the door, down the road, around the corner

            Waiting.

            There is no predicting next time that we will see,

            Next time you seem to come in and pull the rug from under our feet.

            Why do you take way without reason,

            Why throw us into turmoil so quick.

       

           I don't always  understand the motivation,

            I don't know what we have done,

            It is as if we were born into this battle ground

            Unaware, and unprepared

            You pull us close, at first it seems nice

            Then you spit us out, rejected and abandoned

            We sit here and are left, confused, disoriented

            Then we look to the son,

            He's still there shining, day after day

            He's still there.

            I remain where I am at, hiding at first, in the shadows,

            But the son found me, as he moves among the earth.

            The son brings warmth, hope, reminding us of the promises

            Again

            You see, you are not forever,

            But the son, he's there

            You evil one, you who scheme,  you who plot,

            Your devious ways are temporary,

            When the son rises, you will fade, dripping away like ice

            I will stop looking for light in the darkness

            I will stop looking for warmth in the middle of the night

            If I keep my eyes on the Son, I will not fade away.

Sometimes the temptations of Satan seem all to real, sometimes it hurts when we realize it in our lives. I wrote this reflecting on the truth that Satan is temporary and Son of God, Jesus Christ will remain, and when we look to Him, we find hope.

Who God is

God the Father has often been associated with being sovereign, in control of everything, above all. It gives me a certain sense of freedom to consider that the God that I love and I worship would be sovereign over everything.
My emotions, my struggles will never change who God is. 
My opinion of how thing ought to have been done, how things turned out and what God should have done will have no impact on who God is. 

If I am angry at God, that cannot change who he is.  
If I am lonely, that will not change who God is. 
If I am distracted, that will not change who God is. 
If I am overwhelmed, that will not change who God is.
If I struggle to believe, that will not change who God is. 
If I am happy and joyful, that will not change who God is.
If I am tired, that will not change who God is. 
If I am hungry, if I am needy, if I am independent, that will not change who God is.

My perception of who God is, whether be good, or be negative, cannot change who God already is.
I can struggle with Him, because I know I will not break Him. I can fight until I understand a little more about who He is, and in that process, I am sure I will find out a little bit more about who He has made me to be. 

¹¹ Here is a trustworthy saying:

If we died with him,
    we will also live with him;
¹² if we endure,
    we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
    he will also disown us;
¹³ if we are faithless,
    he remains faithful,
    for he cannot disown himself.

2 Timothy 2:11-13

Israel - part 1 the Shephelah

This week I just got back from a trip to Israel. It has been a long time in the coming, and it was an amazing trip. We learned so much while we were there. We got to see so many different places and things. All the pictures that we have in our minds has already been making the Bible come alive. I am continually surprised about how much of a difference it has made learning about the Jewish setting of the Bible. I hope that by putting up the pictures and explaining a little bit of the stories that we were told, perhaps you too could see a little more.

We landed at 7am at Tel Aviv after flying through the night. We landed ready to hike.

The first place we went was Tel Gezer. A tel is an unnatural hill where different cities or towns have built up layers over many years. This one dated back to the time of Solomon. We sat in the city gate area, which you could see some of the structures still. We talked about what it meant to be a disciple and what it is to follow our rabbi. We also talked about being a city on a hill.

On the other side of the hill there were standing stones. They were put up there to tell a story, but we don't know what story they told. We reflected on who are 'standing stones' in our lives and who can we be 'standing stones' for.

After lunch we visited a place called Zorah. It over looked the Shephelah (the foothills) and part of the coastal area. It was the area in which Samson lived. It was also the area where the Jewish people with their worldviews would often meet with the people living on the coast with their different worldview. We talked about who was influencing who and asked the question, 'How is our shephelah doing?'
It was quite warm that first afternoon being out in the open and it was quite a climb to get up there.

The second day we started by going to Beth Shemeh. It was just across the wadi from Zorah. It was a Levitical town and  through the layers that were found there, they found the percentage of pig bones ( a non-kosher animal) clearly showed how obedient the people living there were to the law.

After seeing a little bit on top of the tel, we went down into the cistern which was quite large.It is remarkably well preserved.

After that we hiked up to another old city. The city  was Saarayim and it overlooked the Elah valley. It was in the valley where David fought Goliath. We talked about throwing stones and throwing them that the world might know there is a God. I also found it surprising that David was likely only about 10 years old

That afternoon we got to see a very well preserved olive press. They were often in caves because it would be easier to control the temperature in a cave, especially in a country that is often hot.

The last place that we visited in the Shephelah was Lachish. It was another tel that was quite tall. We weren't able to go all the way up because they were doing work on it. It was the place were they found some letters dating back from the time when Assyria took Israel which Hezekiah was king.

With that we headed south to the Dead Sea and the desert.

excited to learn

This weekend there is an RVL conference at my home church. We will be spending a couple days just learning more about the Bible and the Jewish perspective that Jesus had while he taught and lived here on earth. I've been to a couple before and I continually am getting more and more information, but I find that the more I learn, the more I realize that I don't know. The more I see how small I am and how big God it.

Last night we had a meeting with Ray for the Israel Trip coming up in about 2 months. It was exciting, there were lots of people there and it was a good time of conversation and learning. Ray shared a story of an encounter that he had with an Muslim guy while in his small vineyard. The man squished a grape and pointed out the two seeds inside the grape. With great challenge with the language barrier, the man finally communicated:

"I count seeds in grape, but only Allah (God) counts grapes in seeds." 

I can count the people at the conference, I can count the people in the youth group, the kids that come out, the lives that are changed, the perceived success, my grades in school, the papers to complete,  but I can only can count that. God counts more than that, his harvest spans what I cannot conceive. It is greatly humbling to see think that God knows the fruit of the seeds, He already knows what is going to come.

Every fruit bears seeds, I pray that I may bear plenty of fruit, plenty of seed that God can use.

It is a roller coaster.

I am hanging on with all I got,
the thread of sanity is still intact, barely.
grasped by my hand so firmly
connected to the one true hope.
Jesus, I am hanging onto you
Trusting that you will pull me through
give me the words to say and the love to show
because you're the only thing I'm sure of right now.

Words that flow from my thoughts, the last couple of days have been quite an interesting bunch. I feel that quite a few people I know have been going through a little of the unexpected lately.

Sunday morning at church didn't go quite as expected, and although I am fine, I still worried a lot through it all.
Then later I found out that, that afternoon, a good friend of mine fell  by a waterfall while hiking and by the grace of God, didn't break anything. Caused a lot people to worry and has quite a bit of pain to deal with, but he is alright.
Today I found out that the youth group I am working with will be taking a different route. A sudden death that we must work through as a group. I've never lead a group during a time like this, I know that I am working with great people, but it still has me wondering.

I'm hanging on. It feels a little like a roller coaster, filled with challenges and miracle, but my God is bigger. It's one of the most profound things that I know. God is bigger.

.....invisible....

I have to admit, I like sitting behind my compute. It puts me in control, I see what I want to see, I talk when I want to talk, I learn what I want to learn and I do what I want to do. It is pretty good.
Sometimes I can choose to see beautiful things, and choose to see things that make my heart ache for the hurting in the world. Sometimes I talk to people and have really good and fruitful conversations. Sometimes I learn very interesting things and can stay connected with the world outside the bubble in which I find myself most often. I can learn things and hear things that are beyond what I would learn else where. And sometimes, I can accomplish a lot while behind my computer, usually after I close facebook and stuff...
Yet there is a trend that I notice in myself, that when I sit myself down, time flies by and my heart grows cold. There is a sense of safety from behind the computer, it is safe and there is no one to pull at my heart and so I become more apathetic by the hour, soon I am tired and head off to bed accomplishing little in the way of any real connection with people.
It is powerful I think, the computer, the internet. It lets us do so much, so much freedom and time to do everything, but I think that there is a point that it becomes a hindrance, I will never like that picture on facebook as much as I would like to see that face or scene in person.
Maybe I ought to log off.

What is it worth?

Last night I hung out all night with the junior high youth at the all nighter we had. I enjoyed it. They have endless amounts of energy and honestly keep going right up until about 6am when most are so tired they just want to sit or sleep, but somehow some of them are still going.
There were a group of the senior high students out helping us out as well, and by about 4am they were a tired bunch as well. A couple of them started using the phrase that pulling an all night is simply 'self inflicted torture'. Another one of the leaders changed the perspective on it. Rather than self inflicted torture, it is an opportunity to build relationships with the junior highs doing something that they think is an amazing privilege to do. I think that is why we do it, why we push ourselves so far, because if we can connect with those who are important to us, it has made all the difference. There is something more that can be communicated when we offer all that we have and who we are.

It reminds me of a story that I heard before. Two men were out one day and they came across a man afflicted with demons. It was pretty clear what he was struggling with and so they pray with him. But despite the prayer for the man to be freed of demons in Jesus name, the man was not free of the demons. While they were walking away the one man asked the other why they were unable to free the man. Without thinking the man replied,  "I am not willing to die for that man."

What is it worth? What are the people that we encounter worth? Our they worth our perceived amount of dignity? Our time? Our energy? Our night of sleep in our own beds? Our social life?

I think at the core it comes down to a worship issue. What are we going to put at the center of our life as worth the most of who we are? If God is at the center then we will spend our time and our energy doing the things that God would have us do, but if our dignity is at the center then our time and energy is spent doing things that would bolster our dignity.

Maybe an all nighter can be viewed as an act of 'self-inflicted torture', but if it will let me show God's love to you, that is what I'll do.

This Weather!

I don't think that the weather can decide what it wants to do. Just Wednesday it was beautiful out, I might have even broken out the sandals for the day.  Today when I woke up, I could see a little of the blue sky that was there for the moment, and the thought occurred to me that it must be another warm and beautiful day. But when I actually got up, I was a little surprised that there was a blanket of snow covering everything. 

Maybe winter still has a chance..... Maybe it is just the weather being very confused.

One step at a time

I haven't been posting for a while, and I had an idea and thought it would good if I posted it.

For a while I have been wondering where God is leading me. Sometimes I wish that I could see ahead, and see what God has laid out for me and what the plan is. Sometimes I wish that there was a clear goal that I could aim for and when I reached I would be able to know that I completed this race.

But then I think a little more and am starting to realize that maybe if I saw the end goal, maybe I would not be able to accept myself in that role, or maybe I would think that that particular thing is too big for me and dig in my heels and stay where I am at.
Maybe I would be scared, I would consider that place uncomfortable and too difficult.
Or maybe this race wasn't created to have a finish line.

 I remember biking home from school at a kid. It was quite a long bike ride, but the freedom was worth it. When it was hot or especially windy I would focus on the barn in the distance that would stand out clearly. It was right after a curve in the road, so for a long while it seemed to sit in the middle of the road. I knew that when I got to that place I was almost home. So I would hurry to get there.  At that point I could relax, slow down a little and enjoy the last couple kilometers around the block.

Maybe this race wasn't created with a finish line. We don't know where it is, we are called to keep on running, and run with all that we've got. The is no point that gives us permission to slow down, relax and enjoy the last couple of kilometers around the block. We can enjoy the moment along the road, take time to take it all in and finish this race with so much excitement that we would keep on running if it wasn't over yet.
Maybe it is our tendency to hold on to what we have, save our energy when, God does not look at who crosses into heaven with the most things, but he who crosses into heaven jumping up and down, dancing around, because they know there is a great big crowd coming after them.

I think that it is better that I don't know yet. I know what I am called to right now. I am a student, I am a called to learn,  and in every capacity that I have the privileged to do I will do it to my best to glorify God.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrew 12:1-2